The top ten reasons I couldn’t hack in on Top Chef
10. I’m far too tired
9. When I come up with ideas… I don’t actually want to be challenged to follow through with them
8. I’d say something about the dude that sweats all over the food
7. I’d freak out and unleash all kinds of unairable words when I tried to plate stuff and my tower of whatever was dismantled
6. You probably get disqualified for seasoning things with dog hair
5. I need to know up front who’s responsible for doing dishes… can Ben come with?
4. I probably couldn’t get away with “helping” the way I do best (read: you guys clean up, I’ll go pick up the pizza)
3. A white boxy chef’s jacket + the camera = way more than 10 lbs
2. People would laugh at my knife skills… until I did something crazy and sliced my own thumb off then they’d just be horrified
1. People don’t like being bossed around by babies and besides Chase is getting too big for her Bumbo anyway… you didn’t think she wasn’t coming did you?