Monday, January 5th, 2009


So when last I wrote about it just a short week and half ago, things were going great.  Then I started spotting.  I thought, well it’s brown, it’s light, it’s probably just exertion.  It was the day before Chase’s big day and we were getting things ready and well, you know.  But my doctor didn’t sound optimistic at my appointment today when she sent me for an ultrasound.  It was hard to tell if she was seriously concerned or if it was just her realist robot-like self coming through.  In any event, she explained the tell-tale signs of a negative result and by the time the technician first put the probe down I was pretty sure where we were going.  It was sad but I feel a better now.  It caught me off guard.  I thought 10 weeks, nearly out of the woods.  We started to tell people.  Family and most of my closest friends already knew.

My guideline was to tell people who I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable telling if things went south, like they just did.  Which I stuck to mostly with the exception of a couple of neighbors I could have held off on.  And I think it worked mostly, I mean I wrote it here too because readers are either my close friends or complete strangers and so either they a) already knew or b) didn’t care.  There are a few that don’t fall into either camp but you can’t win ’em all.  So I’ve spent most of the afternoon un-telling people.  Which has been less difficult than I expected.  Almost everyone I know has already gone through this.  Which in a lot of ways makes it a lot easier to stomach.  It’s great to have the support of so many people and I am so thankful for it because I’m positive that’s it the reason that I’m up typing right now and feeling so positive.  You can always count on Chelsea to tell you 20 stories about how much worse things could be… she’s awesome and I mean that.  

Another sucky part is this timing was really good.  A good part is that I’m not worried anymore like I was this weekend and I don’t feel like I have to avoid picking up Chase or moving… or breathing for that matter.  Ah, well I’m tired to talking about it.  That seems to be a theme with my posts.  I get all revved up and then peter out about halfway through.  I’m probably going to take a nice long break from blogging too while I figure things out.  

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