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That’s what I’m trying to do.  I’m recovering today from yesterday’s procedure.  I woke up feeling so good that I think I may have overextended myself a little.  We took Chase to the aquarium just to get out for a while and even though we were there less than 2 hours and 30 minutes of that was spent at the dolphin show I still feel a little more achy than I think I should.  Which means that I’m on the descent part of the emotional roller coaster ride wondering if I’ll ever feel better and like myself again and if I didn’t just spend the better part of the day doing irreparable damage to my body.  Do other people worry like this?  It’s normal right?  Anyway, I’ll take some tylenol and take it easy tonight.  

Last night we watched Donnie Brasco.  Ben swears not only that I’ve seen the movie but that we watched it together.  I’m pretty sure he’s confusing me with another woman because no part of that story rang a bell to me.  It was a good movie though.  And I love watching old gangster movies because nothing pre-Sopranos can horrify anybody from the post-Sopranos era.  No amount of screaming and blood in a 90′s movie can make me cover my eyes.  I always try to remember why I add movies to my queue in this case, I definitely added this movie after taking Cheh’s criminal procedure seminar.  Definitely after the unit on organized crime and that was only like oh, 3 years ago.  Slowly making my way through the list… slowly.  

There’s not a whole lot else going on around here.  Trying to stay on top of the laundry and that sort of stuff.  Keeping up with Chase who has been exceptionally sweet these last couple of days.  We’re planning on enrolling her in preschool so appointments are being set up and application packets are being sent in.  It’s pretty exciting stuff.  I think she’s ready for preschool.  I think she’ll love it.  In the meantime, we’re all looking forward to gymnastics tomorrow.  I can’t wait to see what she’ll teach them next.   

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So when last I wrote about it just a short week and half ago, things were going great.  Then I started spotting.  I thought, well it’s brown, it’s light, it’s probably just exertion.  It was the day before Chase’s big day and we were getting things ready and well, you know.  But my doctor didn’t sound optimistic at my appointment today when she sent me for an ultrasound.  It was hard to tell if she was seriously concerned or if it was just her realist robot-like self coming through.  In any event, she explained the tell-tale signs of a negative result and by the time the technician first put the probe down I was pretty sure where we were going.  It was sad but I feel a better now.  It caught me off guard.  I thought 10 weeks, nearly out of the woods.  We started to tell people.  Family and most of my closest friends already knew.

My guideline was to tell people who I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable telling if things went south, like they just did.  Which I stuck to mostly with the exception of a couple of neighbors I could have held off on.  And I think it worked mostly, I mean I wrote it here too because readers are either my close friends or complete strangers and so either they a) already knew or b) didn’t care.  There are a few that don’t fall into either camp but you can’t win ‘em all.  So I’ve spent most of the afternoon un-telling people.  Which has been less difficult than I expected.  Almost everyone I know has already gone through this.  Which in a lot of ways makes it a lot easier to stomach.  It’s great to have the support of so many people and I am so thankful for it because I’m positive that’s it the reason that I’m up typing right now and feeling so positive.  You can always count on Chelsea to tell you 20 stories about how much worse things could be… she’s awesome and I mean that.  

Another sucky part is this timing was really good.  A good part is that I’m not worried anymore like I was this weekend and I don’t feel like I have to avoid picking up Chase or moving… or breathing for that matter.  Ah, well I’m tired to talking about it.  That seems to be a theme with my posts.  I get all revved up and then peter out about halfway through.  I’m probably going to take a nice long break from blogging too while I figure things out.  

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Can you believe that Chase will be two tomorrow?! I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t believe it. However, all of her friends are coming for a party so I have to keep my wits about me. There is still much to be done tonight. But the CD’s are ready for the goodie bags. It’s a great idea that many before me have done including Danielle and my neighbor Liz so I figured I’d give it a shot. I made a playlist of her 15 favorite songs. It should have been 16, I should have included skinamarink, but I forgot.

Well, I gotta get my butt in gear.  Cupcakes need to be baked, tables assembled and presents wrapped.  I was hoping to rest my weary body this evening but I don’t know what I was thinking cause it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen any time soon.  

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