neurosesgalore.com

Sometimes I have bouts of low self-esteem.  I chalk them up as low self-esteem days but sometimes they gather together to form low self esteem weeks.  They can be triggered by anything but dissatisfaction with my appearance or uncertainty about my career are typical culprits.  Oh wait, I forgot the biggest culprit of all, PMS.  I try to be conscious of what’s going on and to deal with my feelings in a positive way but it’s not always easy.  But at worst, it usually passes in a couple of days.  

This weekend brought on some of those old familiar feelings for a number of reasons and they were holding on for dear life well into the start of my work week.  What I didn’t anticipate was that I’d be called on to be the voice of reason; to buoy the self esteem of another, and in doing so, my own.  Being so wrapped up in the goings on of my own little family I don’t do any of the things I used to do like volunteering or even just working in the public interest field.  I didn’t realize how powerful it is and how much I miss it.  The attorneys I work with often try to spin the work we do as being something of public interest work but it’s not the same.  I like what I’m doing now but it’s nothing like being an educator or working in social services.  Which were both as rewarding as they were challenging.   

After being at the office all day, coming home and tending to dinner and bedtime I’m tired.  I’m totally vegging in front of the tv with my laptop watching repeats of the daily show and colbert report that I watched last night (because I’m too dang lazy to change the channel) but I’m not feeling tired AND decrepit like I was last night.  Bonus.

Phase two of the peep costume is complete! I was barely able to convince her to try it on. I was seriously concerned that the whole endeavor was going to end up being a huge waste of time but she eventually let me get her into it though I didn’t get the crotch velcroed shut as you can see. It’s a little tight there I might have to extend it somehow. I don’t know, I’ll figure it out.  You can see the original post about it here.

Getting it on her was kind of critical at this point since I neither measured her before starting nor fit her in it at any earlier time. If I hadn’t been able to get it on her I would have had to start all over again. Because I could never remember to actually measure her and I was running out of time I used her monkey pyjamas (with feet!) to estimate the size.

Also, I bought her the black shirt to go under her costume and can I just say that I am so ready for her to take ballet lessons?

Chase got a pair of new shoes today.  When I’m not in the market for new baby shoes I see tons of cute styles in all the stores but as soon as I’m actually ready to shell out for them I can’t seem to find anything that will do.  We tried Nordtrom yesterday they had a couple of different styles but they had might as well have just had two pairs of loafers, one in brown and one in black in terms of available cuteness.  I ended up buying an ok looking pair for way more than I wanted to spend because any price is too much to pay for something you don’t actually want.  I feel the same way about buying stuff you don’t need because you have coupon.  Anyway, they’re super cute and what I was looking for, I’m happy, she’s happy.  

I’ve been buying Stride Rite shoes for her since she started walking and I’m really happy with them.  The shoes, while not fabulously cute, strike a good balance between appearance and comfort.  The shoes are both sensible and durable and I haven’t heard any complaints from the wee one yet.  They make all of their shoes in wide widths that accommodate her fat little feet.  In spite of all that I still sometimes, as I do in all similar circumstance, question whether or not it’s really worth the extra money.  I have decided that it is.

I base my conclusion on a pair of patent leather mary janes that I picked up at Target.  The shoes are cute but they’re the first and only pair that gave her a blister.  The shoes are the right size but as soon as they were on she started complaining that she didn’t want to walk.  Sure enough, there was a blister on her foot by the end of the day.  That was enough to satisfy me, particularly since I discovered the Stride Right outlet at Arundel Mills.  Lots of good deals there and plenty of selection. 

Our neighborhood has many faults BUT today I was extra happy to be here.  We stumbled upon Art Blast at the BMA which ended up being a totally awesome way to spend an absolutely beautiful fall Sunday afternoon.  It was nice so we walked over to the playground.  We could hear loud music that sounded like a concert.  After swinging for about 2 minutes she decided it had to be investigated.  Of course, by the time we got down and up the other side of the park the band was playing their last number but no matter; the whole street was closed off and set up for big art projects to celebrate the museum’s newest installation.  We ran into some friends, did a little sidewalk chalk and then a big drawing that we turned into a button.  Have I mentioned that I’m really big on having fun for free?  

I haven’t posted a recipe in eons but I have one, maybe two in the works.  In the meantime, I made this fake trifle.  There’s no recipe for it.  It’s just a quick way to use up leftover cake.  I had intended to make a luscious version that I saw on Everyday Food but when it came down to it I just needed something sweet and quick.  I just cut the cake into small pieces and layered it in the cup with whipped cream, topped with berries and a little more cream and ate.  It was good though and looked really nice… made Ben jealous that I didn’t make him one, hee.  

Some time last week, probably near the end of the week where my creativity tends to get low we made sandwiches.  I’m still going strong with the five minute artisan bread making and have been making dough weekly to have on hand.  This particular day I was really stumped for dinner.  I made something for Chase and hoped that something would come to me by the time she went to bed for Ben and myself.  I finally decided to try using the dough in the fridge to make sandwich rolls.  I was really happy with the results.  To be fair, the bread would have had to be really, really bad once it was piled high with salami, provolone and pickles but it wasn’t.  It was really, really good.  So good that the sandwiches were a satisfying meal and we both felt happy as if we’d just eaten take out.  They tasted a little junky but not disappointingly so.  I’m totally sold on this whole method.  Now, to branch out beyond the master recipe.  On the other hand if it ain’t broke don’t fix it, right?

Last week I also took Chase to the BMA.  I’d might as well just put it out there that yes, we live within walking distance and no, I have not yet taken her there myself.  I know, I know, there’s no excuse for it but in my defense, she has been before just not with me.  This particular day was a ridiculously beautiful fall day and we were looking for something fun to do.  We checked out the contemporary art and then headed into the sculpture garden.  If I had time to do stuff like read on a park bench this is the first place I would go.  The garden was beautifully landscaped and so tranquil.  Even Chase was in awe of all the greenery and impressive sculpture.  Signs ask that people not touch the sculpture which for the most part was doable.  There was only one giant red sculpture that was too tempting to not touch.  There was plenty of other distraction though, lots of stairs, ramps and a water feature.  I’m glad we finally discovered this local resource.  Not to mention that admission is F-R-E-E.

PS-We are heading directly into an ‘I’ll pick my clothes, thank you very much!’ phase… I’m really curious to see where this goes

I’m giving up waiting for my laptop to get better and learning my way around this machine.  Uploading and editing photos is particularly interesting.  I have a Flickr account but I can’t access it.  I can’t remember any of the info I need to access it and I changed my Yahoo password to something so un-crackable that even I can’t remember it.  In any event I really wanted to get some pictures up because we took Chase to Weber’s Farm again and she had a blast.  I”m not a big pumpkin patch girl so I don’t really have anything to compare it to but I’m quite certain that there are better ones out there.  However, I can drive to this one in under 15 minutes and Chase thinks it’s the best place on earth.  This year she was big enough to go down the big slide with daddy and that had to be the highlight of her day.  The slide and the baby bunnies… and the cider doughnuts and picking out pumpkins and the hayride.  All that fun for under 20 bucks.  We brought back two perfect specimens ready to be carved up all election year like.  I bought all the little carving tools and everything.  I’m totally gonna cut a finger off but it will be fun to try all the same. 

Yesterday was Ben’s birthday.  We had a little shindig over here with three other couples from our block and their 4 collective children.  A little bit of an after dinner pre bedtime dessert party.  Something fun to fill those couple of hours on a Friday night.  The kids had a great time.  I think they all thought it was their birthday.  I kept it pretty simple and that really helped keep the anxiety down.  I actually really enjoyed myself and felt good at the end of the night when everyone went home. 

We had chocholate dipped pretzels (from here, although whether you can call it a “recipe” is questionable.)  Brownies from a special chocolate edition of Fine Cooking; a recipe that’s finally a keeper.  I hauled out the fountain style milkshake maker for made to order chocolate and vanilla shakes for the kidlets and for the grownups I mixed chocolate stout milkshakes.  The lady at the beer store directed me to a chocolate stout by Brooklyn Brewery.  She handed me a six pack, hesitated and said, the stuff’s really intense you can’t really “drink it.”  She wasn’t kidding.  It made a fabulous shake but to taste it out of the bottle you’d have to be a diehard stout and dark chocolate fan.  Diehard, like in every fiber of your being. 

After everyone went home we watched Raising Arizona.  As a rule I hate Nicholas Cage but I liked this movie.  I have no idea how I ended up adding it to my queue.  If a couple of months passes between the time I add movies and the time I watch them sometimes I play a little game where I try to retrace the steps I took when I was lost in a web of browsing and adding movies to the list.  I think in this case I added No Country for Old Men which led me to Barton Fink, directed by Joel Coen and then on to Raising Arizona, directed by the Coen bros.  See?  A suddenly incomprehensible and random assortnement of videos in my mailbox suddenly makes sense.   

Really, I am.  I just got an email today informing me that the jumper I made for Chase a while back was selected for publication in this book!  I can hardly believe it and I’m so totally thrilled.  Law school really got me thinking about getting published somewhere.  I always thought it would be something accademic but this is much cooler.  So now I’m waiting for the fabric that’s been selected for the book sample.  I have to finalize the instructions and remake the jumper using that fabric.     

Oh, and I can post again because Ben hooked me up with a loaner computer until mine is back from the shop.  This thing is a beast!  We use it as a print server and… wait, I shouldn’t say anything bad about it lest it konk out on me too.  The point is I can check my email again and that makes me happy.

On the work front things are pretty good.  I’ve been tasked with a lot of lawyer type things to do lately.  I think I crossed that invisible threshhold that moves you from the new kid to co-worker.  Not a single thing changed between this week and last but all of a sudden I have lots of work to do, email to write calls to return.  A little down time is nice but it’s also good to feel like there’s a purpose behind schlepping your butt to work everyday.

I posted a while back about this quick little headband project I found on someone’s blog.  I can’t give credit where credit is due because I have no clue without my bookmarks where I found it.  It’s a cute project though and I’m going to make more.  It’s not the best picture but it takes about 100 years to upload a single photo so it’s abotu as good as it’s going to get for now.

From Project

I was also tagged by Kayris here, so without furtrher ado… Six Random Things

1) I have a bionic nose.  I can smell anything… anything from far, far away.  I used to have bionic ears too.

2) I don’t like candy and ice cream and I don’t like chocolate.  It’s not so much that I don’t like it.  I can eat a nice piece of dark chocolate or a scoop of vanilla every now and then but I’m a fruit desserts kind of a girl.  I’ll always pick lemon bars, apple pie or strawberry shortcake over any of the above mentioned items. 

3) I am so addicted to my morning coffee that if I don’t have it by 9 I’ll either a) kill you b) be too weak to kill you but really say really bitchy things c) be so weak that I can only yell bitchy things at you from a horizontal position.

4) After 8 years of higher education I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and I secretly love being a student.

5) I have a lot of Indigo Girls CD’s… a lot.

6) I know the lyrics to almost every song on the radio.

I have a few more things to write about but there’s a bottle of Coke upstairs that’s calling me.  We can’t buy soda for this very reason.  If it’s here no one can rest until it’s gone.  Hopefully I’ll get to writing about this past week’s menu plan tomorrow and start thinking about one for next week.  MommyK, I’ve got some turkey on deck too… we need to brainstorm.

I had to turn my laptop over to some incompetent fool dude at the genius bar.  He says he’ll have it back to me Tuesday latest.  It wasn’t even my fault this time and I still had to threaten them with litigation to get them to apply my apple care coverage… bastards.  Ok, well I didn’t threaten litigation but I did use words like “as likely as not” and “tips in favor of the consumer.”  They were duly impressed.  

Weeks have passed since Chelsea’s wedding and I’m just now getting around to posting the stuff that didn’t go up on Facebook.  That is, pictures chronicling the grueling pre-wedding tasks that had to be completed, the foodless days, sleepless nights, and many tears shed.  But man, was it ever good times.  

We arrived around suppertime on The thursday before the wedding.  Anyone who has ever visited Chelsea will recognize what Roxanne described in her toast as the good vibes that her home exudes.  We were all immediately at ease and Chase didn’t waste any time diving into the toys, bossing the little one around or jumping on the trampoline.  We ate dinner, Chase went to bed, the boys turned on the Xbox and Chelsea gave me the rundown for the next couple of days.  You brought your laptop right?  You have photoshop right?  She showed me an example of somebody’s idea for a hybrid scrapbook guestbook type thing and told me to hop-to.  Several attempts and one photoshop crash later I produced an acceptable product and she let me sleep.. sometime around 1am.  It is a cute idea though.

The very next morning we hit the ground running.  A cup of coffee, bacon, eggs and we left the boys in charge.  There were, in no particular order, guestbook pages to be printed, flowers to be gathered and pedicures to be had.  I have to say that my Petit Retreat was great, the rocks in the foot bath were awesome.  Chelsea will tell you it’s the reason we ran behind schedule.  I’ll tell you I think the fact that she thought that is the reason she wouldn’t let me eat all day.  

 Off to the Superstore.  We picked up the flowers we needed for the tables and a pair of scissors to save the time of stopping by somewhere else for them.  Suffering from extreme hunger and fatigue the best idea we could come with for food, in a grocery store mind you, was cheese curds and crackers and come chocolate.  I didn’t even remember to get something to drink.  The cheese curds surely did squeak with freshness though and there was cheese all over our hands as we stuffed them into our pie holes like ravenous beasts.  It was kind of gross I’m glad it was just the two of us.  The florist tipped us off on some flowers growing alongside the road not far away and we were off again.  

The flowers were easy enough to find along a busy road.  We pulled off into a reasonably safe location, got out of the car, fished out the scissors and discovered that they were totally and completely useless.  I wanted to hurl the blasted things into the ditch… the blades were zip-tied together so that they opened about 2mm.  We weren’t cutting any flowers.  Back in the car and over to staples to print the pages.  

The 16 year old copy expert told Chelsea that they would happily complete the order and that she’d call her in a couple of days where they were ready for pick up.  Um, no, not acceptable is how I believe her response started.  You don’t want to f with Chelsea and certainly not on the day before her wedding.  We were out of there in 45 minutes but not before we got our scissors open so we could collect some stuff on the way home.

Home again, home again jiggity-jig.  Get the kids all packed up and ready to go and we were off to Hudson to pick up some more of the girls.  I’ll just skip right over all of the marital unpleasantness that comes with travel, stress and unfamiliar terrain, that’s for another post.. maybe, suffice it to say I got yelled at more than once.  Here we are all packed up and ready to go:

That smile lasted for a while.  Then we pulled out the apple slices.  She’s choking!  I screamed on the off ramp going really, really fast surrounded by tractor trailers.  That was so awesome.  She barfed it up and then later Roxanne put her hand in it.  Things were hectic.  We both then tasted the apples.  She didn’t choke, the apples were so hideously sour that they were completely inedible, turned your whole mouth inside out AND made it burn.    

We finally made it to Hudson, said our hellos, dropped of flowers, ties, various other bits of apparel and made out way to pick up Roxanne and Kelly.  Oh, but not before Alex offered me a glass of wine.  I drank it.  AND we scored another bottle, an orange and two cans of ginger ale.  Pictures of Chelsea threatening her dad to get him to walk properly, her mom’s awesome house and the flowers.    

At this point I still have not eaten dinner.  That is, I’m still running on cheese curds and wheat thins.  We pick up the girls, load in all their gear and start making our way back.  We’ll stop at the tim horton’s when we cross into Ontario she says.  Ooh ooh it’s the next exit, I say.  Yep, that exit we just drove by.  We barely made it to the next one.  We ordered a lot.  The car smelled like bacon.  

We were all concerned that we only had the one bottle of wine, but lightweights that we are, there was plenty to go around.  Jenne was there waiting when we got back having broken in when she arrived hours ahead of on schedule while we were hours behind.  

It was a happy time but very intense.  I really want to describe what it was like to be with so many old friends at once.  It wasn’t like a reunion on masse where you just see a lot of people that you knew and it’s nice and then you go home.  This wasn’t just a group of people I knew.  Roxanne tried to describe it to her partner.  She said, this is it.  When I described it to Ben I told him when I describe who I was growing up, my friends, my life, that was it.  All of it.  Memories became suddenly vivid, very real and intense.  It was wonderful and so hard.  Flooding back with all of the good times and laughter came the bad and all of that hard stuff that comes along with just being a teenager.  Not to mention the long road ahead to finding your place in the world and adulthood.  The happy ending is that we’re all healthy, happy and productive people.  The bottom line is there was a lot of estrogen and girls were crying left and right at the drop of a hat.  Wheh, I’m glad that part is over. 

We eventually all got to bed.  The next morning there was more coffee, showers, and a lot of getting ready type stuff going on while Chelsea went to hair and makeup appointments.  Kelly pulled out her dress.  Hey it’s nice, says Jenne.. or maybe it was Roxanne, I have a friend that has the same dress.  She follows that up with would you believe she wears it as a negligee?  Nobody thought much of it.  It was short but Kelly has nice legs, she could pull it off.  Oh, about halfway to Beantown somebody spots this:

There was a lot of laughing, some of it nervous and a little panic too.  In the end, she found a suitable alternative outfit in her suitcase which was good because only a few short hours later yet another wardrobe malfunction and several beers resulted in:

Jenne rocked that negligee.  I hope someone else gets married soon because I don’t see these people enough.  Geez, I was just laughing and now I’m sad again.  

The original title of this post was mini meatloafs but that sounds weird doesn’t it.  Meatloaf must be one of those words that doesn’t get an s in the plural form.  I’m off the menu planning wagon again.  Probably because I didn’t work this week.  Hopefully I’ll be back on track as of tomorrow night but that means that around 4pm this afternoon I was totally clueless about dinner.  I started with a pound of ground beef and started thinking.  We had Sweedish meatballs last night so anything too similar was out.  I checked the index of a couple of old standard cookbooks for ideas for ground beef and landed on meatloaf in the joy of cooking.  They suggested putting a layer of stuffing between two layers of meat which got me thinking about the leftover mashed potatoes from last night’s dinner.  

I also adopted the addition of a tablespoon of butter to the mix from Joy, used a lot less bread crumbs than I usually do and omitted the egg altogether.  It tasted so very different than what I usually make but good and hearty and satisfying too.  My intention was to stuff the potatoes into the middle but the muffin cups were too small for that so i just topped with the mashed (which I guess technically makes this a shepherd’s or cottage pie) and drew little ketchup faces on cause I thought it was cute and that it might make Chase want to eat it.   

She didn’t eat it.  Well I guess she had a bite and she did express that it looked cute and yummy for whatever that’s worth.  She did eat some spinach salad though so I was sufficiently pleased.  We were out all day at a birthday party next door.  She napped for about an hour between 3:30 and 4:30 and when she woke up she was miserable but I didn’t encourage her to go back to sleep because it was so late.  At any rate, she never eats when she’s really tired so I’m going to serve it to her again.  This is absolutely the type of meal that she likes to eat.  But the real beauty of the individual servings is that they fit perfectly into a small storage container and I’ll be able to pull one out on one of those nights where I just can’t get dinner on the table for all of us in time.  A pound of meat would probably only make 4 whole muffin sized servings but topped with potatoes it made 6 muffin sized servings.